


Through the Passage of Time

by Alyss_Baskerville



Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: AU, Canon Divergence, DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED THE MANGA, F/M, SPOILERS FOR PANDORA HEARTS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 13:35:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16661967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyss_Baskerville/pseuds/Alyss_Baskerville
Summary: Through the passage of time, his words reached her.





	Through the Passage of Time

"...And that is how the alleged most powerful member of Pandora, Xerxes Break, Contractor of the Chain-destroying Chain Mad Hatter, met his end."

The female listened, enraptured, to her teacher's words as she sat in the classroom, scribbling down notes. Her heart ached violently for the man who had endured such an awful life and, at the end of it, died prematurely while attempting to save his own comrades. She could tell that her sentiment was shared by several of her classmates, if their expressions, ranging from shock-stricken to mournful, were any indication.

"Oh my God..."

"His life was utterly awful."

"Think about it. He died just like that, in the end..."

"Yeah, without a single source of comfort..."

"Class," the teacher spoke, breaking through the students' murmuring. "Tomorrow, we will be taking a field trip to the memorial that Xerxes Break's mistress, Lady Sharon Rainsworth, erected for him." At this announcement, excitement broke out amongst the class as their sad and pitying comments turned excited and filled with anticipation. 

"Is she serious?"

"We're visiting the memorial of  _Xerxes Break_?"

"I can't believe this."

"I'm not sure if I want to, though..." the female commented to her friends. When they turned looks of bewilderment on her, clearly not understanding, she elaborated, "Not that I don't find it surreal that we're visiting the grave of  _Xerxes Break,"_  she explained, "it's just that...I'm not sure if I could take the sadness in that place. The life he lived, and the way he died...no matter what, I can't help but imagine that he couldn't find any joy in his life..."

"He did, however." their teacher's voice cut through the girl's thoughtful rambling, turning the students' attention towards the front of the room, where their teacher stood.

"He did have one source of happiness."

At those words, the entire class perked up, no doubt eager to hear what exactly this sole ray of light in the tragic tale of Pandora's most powerful member was. 

"You see, Xerxes Break knew when he left for his final battle, that he wasn't going to return. Because of this, he wrote and hid a letter to the one person that brought him joy - the woman he loved. This letter was discovered by his best friend, Reim Lunettes, about a month after Xerxes Break's death. Unfortunately, the woman Xerxes Break loved never got to read it. She passed away only three weeks after his own demise. The cause of her death is unknown. Her name is never mentioned in the letter, but according to some historians, Xerxes Break said she was like a goddess. That letter is preserved next to his gravestone in the memorial we will be visiting tomorrow. You all will have an opportunity to read it."

More thrilled comments erupted from the class.

"We get to read that? I wonder what it'll say..."

"Can you imagine it? He knew he was going to die and wrote one last letter for her. It makes me tear up just thinking about it."

"I don't think I can bear to read this letter!"

"I - " the female stood up abruptly, unable to reason with the shock and despair that suddenly hit her like a fist in the gut. She did not understand why she felt so utterly destroyed by the newly acquired knowledge - but whatever the reason, she could feel tears pooling in her eyes, gathering against her eyelashes. "I have to go the restroom." she excused, bursting out of the classroom before the teacher could respond.

In the restroom, she cried and cried and cried, without ever quite realizing why. 

* * *

"We're here!"

"Xerxes Break's memorial!"

"Whoa, check out all these ornaments and decorations! Sharon Rainsworth must have really cared about him!" 

"We've only just stepped in and it has all this...geez."

"His personal gravestone," the teacher informed the class, "is in the middle of this entire building. There, next to it, is where his letter to the woman he loved is displayed. But as we are on a tour and must follow rules, we will not be allowed into that room for some time - "

The female was already running, ignoring the order of the teacher to stop and the frantic, confused calls of her friends. None of that mattered to her at the moment. That letter. She  _had_ to see that letter. She felt that, if only she could read it, she'd finally find the answer to why -  _why_ had she wept so yesterday? Why did she feel so heartbroken every time the name  _Xerxes Break_ was mentioned? She had to know the reason.

But more than that, she felt as if she couldn't rest before reading that note. A letter to the woman Xerxes Break loved - and she felt  _entitled_ to reading that letter. It was ridiculous and laughable, and her friends would have teased her endlessly, calling it a hopeless infatuation with the historical figure - but her heart told her that the letter was the key to everything.

She threw open the double doors to a richly-decorated, yet small, room, lit only by faint candles, probably for extra atmosphere. In the center was a skillfully-carved slab of stone that had the words  _Xerxes Break_ inscribed on it, in delicate cursive-like letters. The stone was surrounded by now-withered and dead plants, but the young woman guessed that they had once been vibrant and beautiful, if melancholy.

Placed gingerly next to the grave was a crinkled, old piece of parchment paper, with stained but legible writing on it. Kneeling, the female craned her neck until she acquired a decent view of the words written on the sheet. Tears were gathering in her eyes again, and tumbling down her cheeks before she could stop them. Confused, but unable to deny the ache in her heart, she brushed the moisture away, gathering herself, and read the letter through the growing pain that seemed to eat away at her chest. 

_My dear,_

_By the time you're reading this, I'm probably dead._

_I would have given you all these words in person, but I don't have the courage or the resolve. You always did insist on seeing the best in someone like me, but I wonder - how can even you excuse my cowardice this time?_

_Please forgive me._

_I've always wanted to say these things to you, but I wasn't strong enough when the desire first developed, and I still am not. That's why, if only this way, I'm writing this. You may not excuse my selfishness, but please, at least finish reading this letter. You can forget me afterward - as long as you hear what I want to say, I'm satisfied._

_Thank you._

_You gave a filthy sinner like me more happiness, more light, than I've ever deserved. I admit - back then, when we first met, right after I was ejected from the Abyss - I wanted to die, but I was too afraid to do it myself. I cursed my weakness. Too miserable to live, but too frightened to die, I was probably the most pathetic thing that ever existed._

_But even after I grew to accept my failing body, when I could have ended it all - I didn't do it. I found a reason to live - because you were with me. If not for you, I probably would have taken my own life. If not for you, I never would have learned the importance of hanging onto survival as long as I can._

_Dismiss this as the ramblings of a mad old fool if you like - I certainly would have done so, in your place. But, my dear, if you choose to believe me, know how sorry I am. I don't want to die. I don't want to leave you, but I've realized it too late. My body is already on the verge of collapse. Even if I tried to fight my fate now, it wouldn't work._

_And please, don't be sad. You shouldn't lose your smile for someone like me. Besides, believe me, you have no reason to grieve. You have given me more than you can imagine. I am grateful to have known you._

_You don't have to remember me. Even if I never made any lasting impression on you, I'm fine. Even if your caring for me was fleeting and foolish, I'm fine. Even if you can't recall who I am anymore - even if the name 'Xerxes Break' becomes unfamiliar to you, I'm fine. My only regret is that I must leave you now._

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

_Goodbye._

_**\- Xerxes Break** _

She crumpled to the floor, hands clutched into fists and sobs echoing openly around the room. Her teacher and classmates stared at her in bewilderment, but she did not even notice them.

_I heard you, Xerxes. I understand what you were trying to tell me. I love you too. I love you. I love you. I love you._

Through the passage of time, his words reached her.


End file.
